Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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