don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
