Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He passed out mid-signature
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
