Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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