I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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