I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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