I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
