i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
We need a shit load of segways right now
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
