omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
