can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
