So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
