Girls should come with a carfax report
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
