I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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