Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
