my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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