I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
