Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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