After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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