the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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