you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Randomize
