So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
