I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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