You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
