Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
wat bout pragnant strippers??
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
