I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize