I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
