ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
