I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
