This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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