i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
