"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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