I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
time to smoke my breakfast
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
You've changed since you got that strap on
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
