Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
