i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize