This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you would pick up someone in the library
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
