i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
