my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I'm just crazy horny about you
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
