I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
