can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
