i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
