I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
