but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
