His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
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