I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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