I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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