You really coming over, don't trick.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
