you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
