he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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