i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
