he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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