I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
