your thong is hanging out like whoa
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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