i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
