We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
