I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
