Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
