Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My balls are so social today.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
