I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
