What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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