So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
