You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
