Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
