Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
