In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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