i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Alive.
So much puke
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
