I like my sex mixed with concussions.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
