Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
