Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
