I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone shattered a urinal.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
