Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
