I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
