If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize