Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
