Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Randomize
