I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
