I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
