Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
im six kinds of drunk right now
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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