im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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