If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
