There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize